Numquam nos fuisse
by Tempted Sacrifice
Summary: How Bellatrix Black became the crazed woman known as Bellatrix Lestrange. Rated M because of torture, self-harm.


"_We never were, you and I never existed." _

I fisted my hand, bringing it to my mouth to keep the screams that clogged my throat from escaping, tears running freely down my face as I recalled the last words he had uttered to me before walking away. The beat of my heart hurt against my chest, and it felt like someone was strangling me, keeping any air from entering my lungs.

My eyes searched my room until they landed on the drawer, but I forcibly shook my head, not liking where my train of thought was heading. Pressing myself against the wall more firmly I shut my eyes, rocking back and forth, my knees touching my chin as I leaned forward. The pain that was thrumming inside of me was unbearable, and I couldn't believe he would do something like that to me, not after everything we'd gone through. But he had done it.

And underneath all of the pain and sadness, a sliver of anger pushed forth, growing bigger and bigger for every ragged breath that escaped my mouth. It tangled itself around my heart, squeezing its vengeful veins inside the pulsing organ, and my eyes darkened, rage and hollowness replacing the despair.

With force I pushed myself off the ground, walking with measured steps towards the drawer, picking up the steel knife that I had hidden beneath my underwear, bringing it to my pale forearm. Needing to release some of the heavy tension that had been building inside of me, I pressed on, watching with satisfaction as the first drops of blood broke through the surface, looking like rubies.

_So beautiful. _

I smeared the blood on my arm, loving the contrast between the dark and white before making yet another cut. This one was deeper, and it stung quite badly, but I couldn't care less for the pain. It was exhilarating, it was freedom.

But after a while I grew bored, and put the bloodied knife on the dark cherry drawer, letting the white cloth soak up the blood before rummaging through the drawer for the dress that my youngest sister had bought as a joke not so long ago.

It was daring, with a décolletage that pushed my chest together, creating a heavy cleavage. The corset was tightly bound with black letter strings, flowing out in a black skirt that fell down my hips in layers, creating more volume to the clothing. It was nothing like the clothes I used, but suddenly it felt more appealing than before, and as I tied it together I turned around, watching myself in the big mirror with golden frames, liking what I saw, but it wasn't enough.

And so I took some bold red lipstick, smearing it on my plump lips, and with charcoal I framed my big, dark eyes with thick black lines, watching as my eyes turned from beautiful and innocent to smoky and mysterious.

I let my hair out from the clip that held it together, watching as my frizzy curl framed my face, and for the first time, I liked what I saw. Licking my lips, my eyes grew hooded, and I let my hands fall to my waist, a smirk spreading across my face as I thought of the emotions that would flitter across his face as he saw my new appearance.

With that thought in mind, I grabbed my ebony wand, and with a loud crack, apparated away, moments later re-appearing in a wooded area, a crazed smile touching my lips as I saw my beau standing few feet away, trying to charm some dimwitted bimbo with his good looks.

Not wanting him to see I was there yet, I slowly crept forward, hunching ever so slightly, loving the look of admiration on the young girl's face turn into fear as she saw me approach, and started to try and alert the brown-haired boy of my presence. But before he got the chance to turn around, my wand was digging into his back, my slender hand stroking his shoulder before grabbing his collar, bending him backwards, laughing cruelly as he whimpered in fear.

"Bella?" His voice was filled with doubt, and I leaned closer, my teeth scraping against his ear. My tongue licked a wet trail on his tanned skin, nipping the spot where his neck met his shoulder, and a low moan escaped his mouth, before turning into a scream as my teeth pushed through, the heady smell of blood entering my nose as the red liquid started to trickle out from the wound.

"Please, Bella darling, don't do this." Suddenly realizing why I was there I pushed him away, kicking him as he tried to scramble away from me, my boot hitting his ribs with a crack. A loud sob broke the silence that hung in the air and I turned around, watching as the girl pressed herself against the bark of a tree, her nails leaving scratch marks on the wood.

"You stupid girl!" I screeched, charging forward and dragging her to my beau by the hair, letting her fall to the soft grass. A few tendrils of her hair got stuck on my fingers and I stroke the blonde locks with my thumb before turning my dark eyes to the people lying on the grass.

"I will punish you, I will make you cry, and beg for mercy. And this bitch here" I kicked the blonde to emphasize my point. ", will suffer for your ruthlessness. I will make you watch as I torture her."

"Crucio!" Light hit the girl in the chest, and she screamed out loud, making me laugh as I advanced on her, lifting the curse before setting it on her again, her screams echoing in the clearing. Birds chirped somewhere above, leaves rustling as they flew away.

"Please, stop!" I ignored him, watching in satisfaction as blood started to trickle down her face, as the pressure inside of her built, leaving her panting and shivering as I once again lifted the curse. "Amocionis crucior." The spell was whispered against her eyes, and her eyes started to slowly pop out of their sockets, before hanging of red, veins, and with a turn of my wand they snapped, rolling down on the ground, blood gushing out of the holes on her face.

Suddenly a hand wrapped around my ankle and my eyes turned downwards, my eyes narrowing as I saw his face, tears tracks clearly visible on his skin as his mouth tried to form words, but he was too terrified to get anything out.

"Let me go, you piece of shit. I cannot believe I trusted you! That you actually loved me! You are nothing but vermin. My parents were right; Mudbloods do not belong in our world. I couldn't believe that I listened to you ramble about equal right." My voice broke, and tears burned painfully in my eyes, but instead of crumpling down, sobbing I shakily pointed my wand against his forehead, a smile playing on my lips as I said the next spell.

"Bombarda."

His skin tore apart, his skull cracking before his head exploded, and his scream was bone-shattering, and very satisfactory to my ears, my laughter ringing in the night, carrying off before fading away. The air was crackling with magic, my hair flying in every direction as I touched a piece of grey goo that had stuck on in my hair.

It hadn't taken the pain away, to kill him, but something inside of me had changed. I knew that from now on, I would never be the same. And with that in mind, a concentrated on a destination, disapparating with a loud crack, leaving the two broken bodies behind.

I bowed down, my lips hovering over the air above his pale feet, my hands fisted, nails digging into the skin as I waited for him to speak. Fear and anticipation were coiling in my stomach as he ordered me to lift my head, and I did so, staring into his red eyes in awe.

"Welcome, Bellatrix Black." He hissed, grasping my arm with his long fingers, his wand touching the biggest vein. The pain was searing, and I screamed as beads of sweat rolled down my face, my other hand clutching my head as my whole body felt like it was being ripped apart in shreds.

But as soon as the pain started, it ended, and with wobbly legs I rose up, still bowing my head, my hair covering my face.

"Thank you, my lord. You won't be disappointed."

**A/N**: As I've said before, I am really fascinated and in love with the character Bellatrix Lestrange, and lately I've wondered how she became the insane woman that she is, and this is my take on it. Because I don't think she has always been like that, because people aren't born crazy. I know it is a bit rushed and such, but I really wanted to write this, and I'm sorry if you don't like it, but I do, and that is all that matters.

**Amocionis crucior** – Excruciating removal


End file.
